Broken Tackle's NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs Preview: Part 2

The 2007 NHL playoffs kick off Wednesday night, and for the first time in league history, don't include last year's Stanley Cup Finals participants, as the Oilers and Hurricanes both came up short of post-season berths.

Yesterday we previewed the first 8 teams to be eliminated in the Stanley Cup first round. Today we go through the final 8 teams all the way to the eventual champion.

On to today's rankings:

8. Nashville Predators (eliminated by Ducks in 4): About now would be the standard time for the Paul Kariya or Peter Forsberg injury that derails the Predators title hopes. But the fact is, even with some solid goaltending, the Predators don't have the depth or speed to keep up at all with Anaheim, even if everyone on Nashville stays healthy.

7. New York Rangers (eliminated by Sabres in 6): After dispatching of one New York team (the Islanders in Round 1), the Sabres take care of another when they roll over the Rangers. Expect some close games early in the series, but the Rangers lack of depth will finally catch up to them late, and their defenders will have a hard time with the Sabres' wave-after-wave of attack. The Rangers were a great story this year, with veterans Jaromir Jagr, Brendan Shanahan and Michael Nylander providing leadership through tough injuries and lapses in defensive play. If the team can reload on defense next year and get a full season of consistent play from forward Sean Avery, they will be dangerous next season.

6. Ottawa Senators (eliminated by Devils in 6): Anything short of a Stanley Cup at this point is a failure for the Senators, and this year their post-season futility will end thanks to a tough 2nd round match-up with New Jersey. Expect the Senators explosive front line of Dany Heatley, Daniel Alfredsson and Jason Spezza to get theirs against Martin Brodeur, but the issue is how long the inexperienced Ray Emery can hold in goal for Ottawa. Emery has played terrific down the stretch, but he's young and he's playing with former starter Martin Gerber breathing down his neck. Expect Emery to come out with some nerves in the 2nd round and the Devils will take advantage, and by the time the Senators switch to Gerber, it will be too late.

5. Detroit Red Wings (eliminated by Stars in 7): A tough 1st Round match-up won't help Detroit much as they head into a confrontation with the big, physical Stars. The Red Wings did toughen up this season, especially by adding badass Todd Bertuzzi. But as usual, this is an older team, especially with Dominik Hasek in goal, and the longer this series goes, the worse off Detroit will be. This series will come down to Bertuzzi's play, if he can disrupt the action in front of the net and hassle Marty Turco, the Wings might come away with the series. Otherwise, Detroit could find it tough to score, especially as their defensive scorers start to wear down.

4. Dallas Stars (eliminated by Ducks in 6): Marty Turco has a chance this year to really pull a Peyton Manning and throw off the shackles of a playoff "choker" label. The problem is, up front the Stars are a little too seasoned and a little too shallow. This could be a last hurrah for Mike Modano and Eric Lindros, who have been playing well down the stretch. The Stars play a tight puck-control game that can work wonders come playoff time, but will probably wither against a Ducks team with too much talent on every line for Dallas to keep up with.

3. New Jersey Devils (eliminated by Sabres in 7): In one of the most curious GM moves in recent sports history (and remember, this recent history includes Isaiah Thomas), Devils GM Lou Lamorellio fired head coach Claude Julien and named himself head coach with only three games left in the schedule for a #2 seed. The level to which the Devils respond will of course define the length of their playoff run. Defense and goaltending usually win championships, and New Jersey has both in spades, with first-ballot HOF'er Marty Brodeur in net and John Madden and Brian Rafalski manning the blue line. Buffalo can't match New Jersey's defense and goaltending in terms of experience, but they can match it in talent and their deep and dangerous offense will be able to get key goals when the Devils can't.

2. Buffalo Sabres (eliminated by Ducks in 7): Dare we predict the Buffalo Sabres, a team with no championship in their rich history, a team whose heart has been broken on a regular basis in the Stanley Cup playoffs, a team with an eager fan base yearning for a title from one of its two disappointing pro teams as some kind of reward for lasting another harsh Buffalo winter; dare we predict the Sabres lose the Stanley Cup Finals to a hockey team from L.A. started somewhat in jest by Disney to cross-promote a kids movie with Emilio Estevez, unleashed one of the ugliest jerseys in pro sports history and is full of high-priced veterans and a French goalie named Jean-Sebastien? Yes, yes we do dare.

1. Anaheim Ducks (Your Stanley Cup Champions): Sorry Buffalo, but you'll have to join the Cleveland Browns, Philadelphia Phillies and Chicago Cubs fans in one more year of wanting to hang yourselves. The Ducks are loaded at every position, well-coached and led by former playoff breakout goalie Jean-Sebastien Giguere. Another title for an Anaheim (L.A. Jr.) pro team may seem dubious, but the sweet poetic justice here is that the title will happen only after CEO Mickey Mouse sold the team, and the now contentious Ducks have shed their wholesome image and led the NHL in fighting penalty minutes this year. Watch for veteran Teemu Selanne to hoist the first Stanley Cup of his 17-year career and promptly beat somebody over the head with it, just as God intended the cup to be used.

(And if you need further reason to cheer for Selanne, check out his Babe Ruthian hat trick earlier this year in honor of a friend with cancer).

Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack!

Just Let the Racist Idiot Be a Racist Idiot

I can't be the only one who's sick of this. How many times has this scenario played out in this country? The ignorant and insubstantial public figure makes a stupid and offensive comment. Everyone has to act overly indignant, even though none of us really care that much. In the end, the public figure makes a hollow apology, and we all continue to act incensed until we just stop caring on a literal level. Then they go back to being just as ignorant but slightly less insubstantial because of all the attention we just afforded them for being ignorant.

Nobody should give a crap about Don Imus. Imus has been an insignificant speck on the radio landscape ever since Howard Stern kicked his ass in the WNBC ratings in the mid 80's. There's probably about two dozen people left in this country who still listen to Imus on a regular basis. The only reason anyone knows the name anymore is from Stern making occasional remarks about what a useless douche nozzle Imus is.

When Don Imus made the comment that the Rutgers women's basketball team was a bunch of "nappy-headed ho's" we, as a society, should've shrugged and thought to ourselves "that douchebag Imus is still on the air?"

But no, Al Sharpton and Jessie Jackson had to get involved. Approximately 12,000 sports columnists had to voice their opinion about it. And the Rutgers coach had to throw a press conference to call him "deplorable and despicable." This is an actual quote from the coach, C. Vivien Stringer:

I don't know how anyone could have heard this and not been personally hurt and offended. When there is not equality for all or when there's been denied equality for one, there's been denied equality for all.

I mean, is she describing her basketball team or the Little Rock 9? Is she seriously giving Don Imus that much authority over us as a culture? I wasn't personally hurt or offended because Imus is a friggin' moron and I couldn't care less what he has to say about anything.

(By the way, your fearless author is a Jewish-American who wasn't the least bit offended by the comments of Micheal Ray Richardson and I'm actually somewhat offended by all the media jag-offs who acted as if they were personally offended).

What all these people need to understand is that 98% of the country already agree with what I'm saying. We don't need the Rutgers coach to tell us the comments were deplorable, we're smart enough to figure that out for ourselves. I can understand the Rutgers team being offended, but I don't understand the need to throw a press conference just to let us know how offended they are.

As for the other 2% of the country who agree with Imus? Well, guess what, we're never convincing those ignorant morons otherwise. But some of those 98% are going to see people like Al Sharpton running his mouth, acting as if the incident has anything to do with him, and maybe even start to feel some vicarious sort of sympathy for Imus. In other words, putting on this big show in the media isn't going to get much done, and if anything, it's going to backfire.

What the Al Sharptons and Jemele Hills of the world need to learn is that in a society as sensitively advanced as ours, often it's a better idea to just let the racist idiots be racist idiots. Instead of stating the obvious counterpoints to their ignorance, why not just let them twist in the wind as we all jointly mock them as a cultural pariah?

It's the further expansion of the lowest common denominator stance in America. We always have to pander to the dumbest and most irresponsible out of all of us. This incident reminded me of a video link someone once sent me of that idiot Tyra Banks engaging in a debate with Shirley Phelps, better known as the God Hates Fags lady. The problem here is, Banks only gets a TV show because she used to be a supermodel, whereas Phelps is a lawyer and a shrewd public speaker. By the end of the debate, I found myself actually siding with the God Hates Fags lady. How the hell did that happen? Because Banks is an idiot who thinks she's deep by trying to point out the flaws in Phelps' lifestyle and ideals. Of course, Banks' audience ate it up. But those of us who aren't trained donkeys clapping at an "applause" sign didn't need Banks to point out these flaws because ANYONE WITH THE BRAIN OF A 4-YEAR OLD CAN SEE THE FLAWS FOR THEMSELVES.

I contrast this with the aforementioned Howard Stern, who frequently brings Phelps on as a guest simply to mock her by allowing her to espouse her insensible views without interruption (save for the occasional goading). That's because Stern understands that these views can stand on their own as mockable and ridiculous without the need for commentary and disagreement. Instead of ignoring the fact that there's a "God Hates Fags" lady, and instead of dropping down to her level by arguing with her, Stern instead does his audience a service by simply keeping them on guard to the fact that such ignorance and douchebaggery still exists in the world.

This is something that people like Al Sharpton will never understand. The only person in this whole Don Imus controversy who came off looking solid was Cal Ripken. As you may or may not have heard, Ripken was (for some reason) scheduled to appear on Imus' show later this week, but after learning of Imus' comments decided to cancel his appearance.

And that was it.

And that's how we should all handle a situation like this. If you didn't care about Don Imus before, then you should shrug your shoulders at his ignorance and continue to not care. If for some reason, in the course of your future life, your path was intended to cross with Imus' path, then take another path. That's how you get these ignorant racists to go away. You don't do it by making them apologize or firing them or suspending them or writing scathing columns about them. You do it by just letting them continue to be ignorant racists, but let them be an ignorant racist that we all admit exists, but eventually ignore.

Broken Tackle's NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs Preview: Part 1

The 2007 NHL playoffs kick off Wednesday night, and for the first time in league history, don't include last year's Stanley Cup Finals participants, as the Oilers and Hurricanes both came up short of post-season berths.

Over the next two days, we'll be ranking the 16 playoff teams in the order by which they'll be eliminated from this year's playoffs. Today we start with the 8 teams getting eliminated in Round 1, tomorrow will be the final 8 teams up to the Stanley Cup champions.

So break out your dead octopi and start growing your playoff beard, it's Stanley Cup time!

16. New York Islanders (eliminated by Sabres in 4): Congratulations to the Islanders on scratching and clawing your way into the playoffs, now enjoy getting decimated by the Sabres. It is hard not to cheer for the Islanders in this series. They're coached by former spurned Sabres coach Ted Nolan, they had to run the table in their final four games to reach the playoffs, they're lead by Oilers cast-off Ryan Smyth and due to injury, their starting goalie is Wade Dubielewicz, a minor league call up who answers to the nickname "Doobie" and has Yoda painted on his mask. The Islanders physicality might allow them to steal a game at home, but beyond that, the Sabres' speed and depth is way too much to overcome.

15. Minnesota Wild (eliminated by Ducks in 5): Coach Jacques Lemaire knows how to slow down speedy opponents and the Ducks could play right into his hands with their wide-open offense. Unfortunately Lemaire's Wild team just doesn't have the talent to hang with Anaheim for too long. The Minnesota offense is too dependent on Martin Gaborik, and he can most likely be neutralized by the Ducks' physical defensemen. Replacement goalie Niklas Backstrom will keep most games close, but the Wild will not be able to generate enough offense to fulfill Lemaire's strategy.

14. Tampa Bay Lightning (eliminated by Devils in 6): The Lightning boast one of the league's top lines, with NHL leading-scorer Vincent LaCavalier, Martin St. Louis and Brad Richards; the three stars of Tampa Bay's '04 Stanley Cup victory. Unfortunately, it's quite a drop-off in talent after those three, most of the rest of the team struggled to really score or defend all season. Goalie Johan Holmqvist showed some flashes this year, but he's inconsistent and has no previous playoff experience. Meanwhile, you get the sense that Marty Brodeur knows he has limited chances left to win his fourth Stanley Cup title. The Devils trademark pressure defense will limit any chances for Tampa Bay beyond their first line, and Brodeur should shut them down effectively enough for New Jersey to lose no more than a game or two.

13. San Jose Sharks (eliminated by Predators in 6): The Sharks have a little bit of history against them this year. This is the third time in the past decade that they enter a playoff re-match in back-to-back years. The last two times, they won the first series and then fell in the ensuing series. Nashville reminds us an awful lot of last year's Hurricanes squad, led by veteran free agent veterans Paul Kariya and Peter Forsberg mixed with young stars Alexander Radulov and David Legwand. They even have an unheralded backup goalie, Chris Mason, set to fill in for the hobbled starter, Tomas Vokoun. The Sharks will need big scoring days from Patrick Marleau and Joe Thornton to compete.

12. Pittsburgh Penguins (eliminated by Senators in 6): Don't get it twisted, if David Stern was running the NHL, Sidney Crosby and the Penguins would be making a run to at least the Eastern Conference Finals. But with Gary Bettman in charge, the young megastar and his talented prodigy teammates (Evgeni Malkin and Jordan Staal) are likely to fall in the first round to the deeper and more experienced team from Ottawa. If the Penguins are to make a run, they'll need some major production from their playoff neophyte goalie, Marc-Andre Fleury.

11. Vancouver Canucks (eliminated by Stars in 6): This will likely be the lowest scoring series in the entire playoffs, as both teams have struggled to put the puck in the net late in the year. Dallas has been beset by injuries, and is trying to shake the "choker" label of veteran goalie Marty Turco and forward Eric Lindros. Luckily for Lindros, he isn't asked to carry this team, but Turco will be the focal point night-in-and-night-out. The Stars have a favorable draw here, even as the lower seed, as the Canucks feature a green goalie in Robert Luongo. Even though Luongo played lights-out much of the season, this is his first playoff appearance and the Canucks don't have enough scoring options to cover his ass.

10. Calgary Flames (eliminated by Red Wings in 7): It could be deja vu for Detroit, once again entering the playoffs as the #1 seed in the West only to face a tough, physical, well-coached #8 seed in the first round. Last year the Wings were eliminated by the eventual Western Conference champion Oilers. It's tempting to say they fall again to the Flames, but Detroit bulked up and hardened in the off-season to prepare for just such a series. Dominik Hasek vs. Mikka Kiprusoff is probably the best goalie match-up of the first round. Unfortunately for Calgary, it's hard to imagine where their scoring will come from outside of Jarome Iginla.

9. Atlanta Thrashers (eliminated by Rangers in 7): The Thrashers and Rangers are two very similar teams: solid, veteran forwards; unheralded defenders; inexperienced goalies. Give the edge to the Rangers in the defensive department in this series, and that will likely be the difference. We also like the fact that Rangers goalie Henrik Lundqvist has at least one season of playoff experience under his belt. Look for big games from Rangers forwards Sean Avery and Martin Straka to overcome the Thrashers explosiveness of Ilya Kovalchuk and Keith Tkachuk. By the way, even though we expect the Rangers to win, we are cheering for the Thrashers in these playoffs simply on the basis that not only is Lil' Jon a fan, he actually has a blog dedicated to the team.

2nd round, Conference Finals and Stanley Cup Finals coming tomorrow!

Even the Easter Bunny Couldn't Save Tiger Woods

Yes, Tiger Woods is somewhat human. But don't be too hard on the golfing prodigy, because there probably isn't a human alive who could defeat Jesus on Easter Sunday.

After finishing his fourth round of The Masters with a sizable lead, Zach Johnson credited Jesus for the victory, telling CBS cameras that he felt the lord and savior walking with him every step of the way. Yes, because, as usual, Jesus H. Christ had nothing better to do with his Easter Sunday then walk around a golf course in Augusta, Georgia with a bunch of privileged white people playing one of the silliest games ever invented.

Tiger Woods missing tough putts on the back 9 that could've tied him with Johnson is further proof, of course, that God hates cablasians. And God, overall, still really, really despises John Daly.

But we knew that already.

So, to recap, Jesus > Tiger Woods. For now. When Tiger is busy winning the British Open and PGA Championship while Zach Johnson slips back into 63rd place and general obscurity (Mike Weir, anyone?), maybe it's because Jesus is busy helping poor children in Africa. Or something else less important like that. But hey, maybe this year they can hold the Nissan Open on All Saint's Day, just so we know Jesus is paying attention again to Zach Johnson's short game.

Broken Tackle's Weekend Wrap-Up

Some other things that we learned this weekend outside of never sucker punch Tony Soprano...

1) Ah, springtime. Flowers are blooming. Birds are singing. Bees are trying to have sex with them (as is our understanding). And baseball season is underway. The only problem is, mother nature and global warming don't want to cooperate.

For those who still don't believe in global warming (we're looking at you, Utah, Kentucky and George W. Bush)... we present Exhibit A: Jacob's Field in April looking like Jacob's Field during the second ice age. And Exhibit B: Elijah Dukes rounds third base in a game in Yankee Stadium looking like Nanook of the North on his way to rob a train station.

It would appear that Al Gore might have a point.


2) Dwyane Wade returned last night, but the Heat dropped a tough one to the cellar-dwelling Bobcats, pretty much destroying their chance at home-court advantage in a first round series. Meanwhile, the Lakers fell to the Suns, dropping them to the 7th seed out West. And the Toronto Raptors pile-drived the Bulls, pulling them within striking distance of the 2nd seed in the East. NBA playoff seeding fever!


3) On the final day of the NHL regular season, the New York Islanders needed a shoot-out victory over the Devils to clinch the Eastern Conference 8th seed over the Toronto Maple Leafs. This is, of course, a great day for Americans who hate Canadians (especially Americans who give a crap about hockey), as the Islanders join teams from Tampa, Atlanta, Nashville and San Jose in this year's playoffs; while traditional Canadian powerhouses from Montreal, Toronto and Edmonton will be forced to watch the playoffs from home (assuming Canada carries the Versus network). The Islanders reward? Probably a first-round sweep at the hands of the Buffalo Sabres. More on the NHL playoffs later this week.

Barry Bonds is Still Black

On April 15th, Major League Baseball will celebrate a very-special episode of Jackie Robinson Day, the one where we fete the 60th anniversary of Robinson breaking the color barrier in baseball.

The fact that we feel strangely compelled to give special treatment to the round, even numbers like 60 as opposed to the 59th anniversary or 61st anniversary is probably an impracticable point. (I might have been too young at the time to notice whether we gave special recognition to the 42nd anniversary in 1989, though I suppose that would've been pretty cool if we did).

A lot of people will commemorate this anniversary in different ways. Bud Selig will probably make a bunch of political statements in the form of press releases. The Los Angeles Dodgers plan on all wearing #42 that day in honor of Robinson. Many members of the mass media are likely already salivating at the excuse to write a faux-sociological dissertation on "The Scarcity of the Modern African-American Baseball Player and Why This is Important and How Did This Happen and What Will We Do to Remedy It?"

Ken Griffey Jr., one of the few high profile African-American baseball stars left, lobbied the Major League offices for the right to wear #42 on April 15th in honor of Robinson's legend. The MLB brass thought it was such a good idea, that they've extended the offer to one player on every single team.

One of the first players to take them up on that offer? Our old friend, Barry Bonds.

This is interesting on many, many levels. Bonds, of course, was one of the most abhorred athletes in the country before we all suspected he was taking steroids. And perhaps it says something about our evolution as a society that even subconsciously, we don't appear to hate Bonds because he's black. We hate him because he's an egotistical jerk.

But remember, according to Book of Shadows, one of the main reasons Bonds was compelled to take steroids in the first place was because of what he perceived as undue naivety of the American people towards Mark McGwire's obvious steroid use, simply because he was white. Learning this created a very interesting abstraction: did Barry Bonds take steroids just to teach us a lesson about racism?

The answer is probably not. By all accounts, Bonds is too self-serving a human being to take steroids with the intention to create a transcendent moment in American sports culture. (There's nothing wrong with that. 98% of us would be too self-serving to do that). But the answer here isn't as important as how we potentially react to the question.

A lot of people (both civilians and members of the media) are going to take their pot-shots at Bonds over the next few days saying he doesn't deserve to honor Jackie Robinson. But I think no player in the last 60 years of baseball is more qualified than Bonds to honor Jackie Robinson. Because in his own self-aggrandizing way, Bonds has forced us to contemplate the correlation that still exists between sports and race.

Guys like Hank Aaron and Willie Mays and Frank Robinson were easy to like. This is especially true if you weren't actually alive when they played. They are probably three of the six or eight greatest hitters who ever lived and by all explanations were solid citizens who represented the game of baseball with aplomb both on and off the field. Compare this to many of the great "white" hitters of the 21st century: guys who we've come to know as pompous loners (Ted Williams), domineering narcissists (Joe DiMaggio) or womanizing alcoholics (Babe Ruth).

One could argue that Barry Bonds was the first fatally flawed black baseball player. The first black baseball player we were inclined to hate.

60 years ago, many Americans hated Jackie Robinson simply because he was a black man playing a white man's game. Over 30 years ago, many Americans hated Hank Aaron simply because he was a black man trying to break the most hallowed record set by a white man. Today, most of us hate Barry Bonds, who happens to be a black man, simply because he's a conceited jerk who wears earrings and cheated. But subconsciously, we all worry about Bonds being right, that we hate him on a deeper level because he's just another black man trying to re-write our culture.

Whether he intended to or not, Barry Bonds has reflexively forced us to glimpse into the juxtaposition of sports and race more so than any baseball player since Robinson. He was the first black athlete we were forced to deal with because he's a jerk. And he was the first black athlete we were forced to deal with because he's a cheater.

Let Bonds wear #42. Whether you hate him or not, he deserves it more than anyone.

Broken Tackle's NBA Mock Draft, Vol. 1

For the first time in over a decade, this year's NCAA Tournament doubled as an opportunity to scout almost all the top prospects in this year's NBA draft. With the will-he-or-won't-he rumors flying about all the underclassmen deciding whether or not to remain in school, and NBA teams tanking left and right to jockey for lottery position, this will be the most rudimentary and disjointed of all the mock drafts.

So, in all likelihood, it will probably end up being the most accurate.

1. Memphis Grizzlies - Greg Oden, C, Ohio State (Fr). Was already the consensus #1 ahead of Durant before blowing the doors off the national title game. If he pans out, he's the best center prospect since Shaq. At worst, he's a more athletic Robert Parish. (NBA comparison: Godzilla, if he learned to dribble and box out. I'm not talking about any NBA player nicknamed "Godzilla" I'm talking about the actual giant skyscraper-destroying lizard).

2. Boston Celtics - Kevin Durant, F, Texas (Fr). Holding the #2 spot in the draft this year will be a win-win situation for the lucky lottery runner-up. Not only are you guaranteed Oden or Durant, you can let the team ahead of you make the tough decision. (NBA comparison: Kevin Garnett with a jump shot).

3. Milwaukee Bucks - Corey Brewer, G/F, Florida (Jr). Brewer (or, to a lesser extent, Jeff Green) would be a dream come true for the Bucks, a team ready to contend now with Terri Stotts collecting unemployment and the team getting healthy. Brewer (a surname any red-blooded Milwaukee-an can appreciate and love) can step in immediately and perfectly complement Michael Redd. (NBA comparison: slightly shorter Lamar Odom).

4. Phoenix Suns - Al Horford, F, Florida (Sr). It really is unfair that the loaded Suns get this pick from Atlanta, but what can you do, the Hawks are idiots. The Suns are in the market for more bodies inside, and outside of Oden, Horford is the most NBA ready big man in the draft class, both physically and mentally. (NBA comparison: Zach Randolph minus the douchebagginess).

5. Charlotte Bobcats - Jeff Green, F, Georgetown (Jr). It's been hit-or-miss for the Bobcats picking high the past few years. Some would argue the 'Cats should take Green's teammate Hibbert and plug him in right away, but I don't think Jordan is interested in an old-school plodding center. Jordan likes scoring, and even though Green helped eliminate his Tar Heels in the tourney, expect to go after the guy on the board with a high basketball IQ who can score at will. (NBA comparison: do-it-all Josh Howard).

6. Philadelphia 76ers - Brandan Wright, F, North Carolina (Fr). It's no secret the Sixers need help pretty much everywhere on the floor, but especially in the post and at the point. Wright could arguably use another year in school, but he has arguably the biggest upside in the draft outside of Oden and Durant and this young Sixers team can afford to incubate some talent. (NBA comparison: calm and lanky Chris Bosh).

7. Portland Trail Blazers - Joakim Noah, F, Florida (Jr). Think of this as a pick based partly on public relations as well as talent. Noah isn't the best basketball player on the board, but he's selfless, he's hard-working, he's experienced, he's clutch and even though he seems like a douche, he also seems like a good kid who won't cause any problems. Basically he's the kind of guy who wouldn't take the time during his bereavement leave to visit a strip club. (NBA comparison: Anderson Varejao mixed with Tyson Chandler and beaten with an ugly stick).

8. Seattle Supersonics - Julian Wright, F, Kansas (So). Ideally, the Sonics would love for Green or Brewer to slip to them in this spot. Barring that, they could easily take a flier on Wright, who will potentially fill in for the departing Rashard Lewis. Wright needs another year of school after disappearing in the tournament, but the Sonics might as well draft another project after wasting last year's pick on Saer Sene. (NBA comparison: well... Rashard Lewis).

9. Sacramento Kings - Yi Jianlian, F/C, China. I'm not going to pretend to know anything about this guy. If the Kings have balls, they'll draft Mike Conley to light a fire under Mike Bibby's ass (he actually reminds me a little of Bibby when he came out of school). But that's doubtful. (NBA comparison: um. Yao Ming?).

10. Minnesota Timberwolves - Spencer Hawes, C, Washington (Fr). Keep in mind Kevin McHale still runs the T-Wolves and he's still an idiot. Hawes was a bit underwhelming this year, failing to lead Washington to the NCAA Tournament. But he's big and somewhat skilled so some moron GM will fall for him. (NBA comparison: pick a white center, any white center. Let's go with Nenad Krstic and call it a day).

11. Chicago Bulls (from New York) - Mike Conley, G, Ohio State (Fr). The Bulls could really use a big man in this spot, but with all the top post prospects taken ahead of them, they'll potentially be smart enough to grab Conley when they have the chance. He certainly doesn't fill a need on the team, but the Bulls have been good lately at trading spare parts when they need to. (NBA comparison: a more explosive Mike Bibby).

12. Atlanta Hawks (from Indiana) - Acie Law, G, Texas A&M (Sr). Could picking a little lower than usual mean the Hawks don't royally fuck up their pick for once? It's pretty likely picking 12th that either Conley, Law or Ty Lawson will be available at this point, and the PG-deprived Hawks could use any of those players. (NBA comparison: Chauncey Billups).

13. Detroit Pistons (from Orlando) - Al Thornton, F, Florida State (Sr). Thornton is being derived as a "tweener" but he can instantly come off the bench and contribute scoring and defensive intensity for the Pistons. (NBA comparison: Andre Iguodala).

14. New Orleans Hornets - Nick Young, G/F, USC (Jr). With Paul running the floor, the Hornets need to get more athletic on the wing and Young will be an instant boost with his polished mid-range game. Hopefully Peja Stojakovic doesn't injure his fingers calling Young to welcome him to the team. (NBA comparison: Caron Butler).

15. New Jersey Nets - Tiago Splitter, F, Spain. The Nets have had success with one foreigner inside (Krstic, when he's healthy) so don't be surprised if they take a chance on another one, who's supposedly NBA ready mentally and physically, especially defending and rebounding. (NBA comparison: a soft Chris Wilcox).

16. Golden State Warriors - Josh McRoberts, F, Duke (So). Donnie Nelson loves the big guys who can get up-and-down the floor and McRoberts is one of those guys. Unfortunately he doesn't bring much else to the table. But he's above average athletically and somebody is going to fall for his "upside." (NBA comparison: Charlie Villanueva).

17. Los Angeles Clippers - Ty Lawson, G, North Carolina (Fr). I probably shouldn't deliberate on this one much, because it would be the steal of the draft and it isn't terribly likely to happen. The only knock on Lawson is his lack of size. The Clippers need a PG in the worst way. (NBA comparison: Baron Davis).

18. Philadelphia 76ers (from Denver) - Darren Collison, G, UCLA (So). Another potential steal for the Sixers. Similar to Lawson, the only knock on Collison is his small stature, but he's blossomed into a terrific pure PG. Could use another year in school to develop his scoring. (NBA comparison: Andre Miller).

19. Los Angeles Lakers - Chase Budinger, G, Arizona (Fr). A young slasher who can light up the scoreboard off the bench subbing in for Kobe. Another guy who could use another year in school to develop his overall game and earn lottery money in '08, but will probably declare like an idiot anyway. (NBA comparison: J.R. Smith).

20. Washington Wizards - Hasheem Thabeet, C, Connecticut (Fr). Considered a top prospect coming into the year, hasn't done much to maintain that status. Could shoot up the draft with some solid workouts, but the Wizards would love to have the raw project fall to them here. (NBA comparison: Marcus Camby).

21. Miami Heat - Thaddeus Young, F, Georgia Tech (Fr). The Heat can afford to stick with the best player on the board, in this case that's the young project from Tech. His athleticism is off the charts but he hasn't developed much of a game yet. (NBA comparison: low rent Shawn Marion).

22. Charlotte Bobcats (from Toronto) - Ante Tomic, C, Croatia. After taking the NBA ready Green with their first pick, the Bobcats can afford to take a waiver on this second pick. Tomic is your typical European big man, he'll need a couple years before coming to the NBA to underachieve and plod around. (NBA comparison: pick a failed European big man. Shouldn't be tough).

23. New York Knicks (from Chicago) - Rodney Stuckey, G, Eastern Washington (So). Oh, Isaiah, how you continue to entertain us with your personnel decisions. Actually, Thomas has done a decent job of drafting for the Knicks so for once let's pretend he over-reaches for an oversized PG who scores a lot. (NBA comparison: all the score-first combo guards the Knicks have wasted time on the last few years. Or Ben Gordon, I guess).

24. Phoenix Suns (from Cleveland) - Marc Gasol, C, Spain. The unfairness continues as the Suns take their second pick of the first round. They can obviously afford a project, and Pau Gasol's little brother might be worth taking a chance. (NBA comparison: imagine Pau Gasol, if he was less talented, less bearded, younger and named Marc).

25. Houston Rockets - Derrick Byars, G/F, Vanderbilt (Sr). Byars played himself into the first round with a terrific NCAA Tournament performance to follow up his SEC POY title. (NBA comparison: Stephen Jackson. In a good way).

26. Detroit Pistons - Nicolas Batum, G, France. Like the Suns, the Pistons have a glut of first round picks and can afford to take some foreigner. (NBA comparison: Michael Finley, only wearing a beret and chewing on a baguette with a cigarette languidly resting between the middle and index fingers of his right hand).

27. Utah Jazz - Arron Afflalo, G, UCLA (Jr). Afflalo really needs to get back to school after another rough Final 4 appearance. But if he enters the draft, he'd be a good fit for the Jazz, who need to develop an athletic wingman that can defend. Could also go with Alando Tucker here. (NBA comparison: Raja Bell).

28. San Antonio Spurs - Glen Davis, F, LSU (Jr). "Big Baby" fell off the radar as LSU struggled in the SEC this season. He's undersized, but he's smart and strong and could fill in nicely off the bench for Duncan. (NBA comparison: Sean May).

29. Phoenix Suns - Marcus Williams, G, Arizona (So). A perfect fit on the Suns, an oversized guard who can move without the ball and hit open jumpers, and relies on his athleticism on defense. Will thrive on the floor with Nash. (NBA comparison: Quentin Richardson).

30. Philadelphia 76ers (from Dallas) - Tyler Hansbrough, F, North Carolina (So). Hansbrough actually saw his stock drop after staying in school, but another year really would help. He lacks NBA athleticism but might be able to make up for it with his work ethic. (NBA comparison: Udonis Haslem)

Sucks to Be Rutgers

I don't know much about women's college basketball (I know who Pat Summitt is, I know that lesbian coach got fired from LSU, I know Tennessee, Connecticut and Duke seem to always win the title and I know the Vols just beat Rutgers 59-46 to win this year's title. If I learned anything new, it would probably push one of those old pieces of information out).

I also don't know much about Rutgers athletics.

But I just learned that Rutgers University athletics, the athletic program that is credited as inventing modern college football, has won an NCAA title once in any sport in its history. That was a fencing title. In 1949. And they shared the title. With Army.

The school no longer participates in collegiate fencing. They do, however, currently participate in football, baseball, basketball, field hockey, golf, gymnastics, lacrosse, soccer, softball, tennis, track and field, swimming, wrestling, volleyball, and that sport from that movie with Arnold and the guy from Family Feud.

Ok, I made that last one up.

But you get the point. All those sports and only one title ever. Sucks to be Rutgers.

Maybe it's because of the nickname. Scarlet Knights? What do you think of when you think of scarlet? Scarlet Letter, Scarlet fever, Scarlet O'Hara. (Also Scarlet Johanssen, but that's just distracting). Doesn't really instill much fear, does it?

So as a public service to Rutgers, and any other university with a "faggy" (as Billy Packer would put it) nickname and mascot, we offer the following potential nicknames to anyone looking to really engender dread in their future opponents:

Cutthroats
Rebels Without a Cause
Rock Eaters
Hell's Angels
Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles
Drunken Pacman Joneses
Killer Klowns From Outer Space
Penguin Rapers
Chompin' T. Rexes
Jerry Porter's Dogs
Satan's Army
Horny Walruses
Midget Tossers
Killer Shark Attack
Manson Family
Wife Beaters
Coked-up Grizzly Bears
Friends of John Amaechi (note: only works if your opponent is Tim Hardaway)
Ghost Pirates
Wildpumajaguarcougarbobcats
Dirty Sanchezes
Cincinnati Bengals
Totally Fucking Badass Motherfuckers
Michael Jackson's Predators

Dwyane Wade's Punk Rock Journey

Here's the thing about Dwyane Wade. He's not punk rock. He's also not not punk rock.

This concept may or may not make sense. But we'll get back to that in a minute.

Wade returned to practice yesterday for the first time since dislocating his shoulder about six weeks ago, and is expected to return to game action before the regular season ends on April 18th.

As Mark Twain would likely remark if he were alive today, "The reports of the Heat's demise were greatly exaggerated." And he would probably add: "Someone please deliberate to me posthaste the origin of this blinking box containing movable type! Com-poo-ter? What in the sam hill?" Or something like that.

This could be the last chance for this ever-so-short Heat dynasty, as Shaq is not nearly the force he used to be, the supporting cast needs to be reloaded and Pat Riley may soon be giving way to Billy "Dunn-a-von" as head coach and GM. Who in the East can stop a healthy Wade and Shaq? Probably not the Pistons, Bulls or Cavs, that's for sure. In other words, try not to sprain your ankle hopping back on the Heat championship bandwagon.

But.

To further the point about Dwyane Wade not being punk rock. He's also not not punk rock. Wade is somewhere in the middle, a pure spirit probably influenced by his abundance of casual time spent with Shaquille O'Neal. (Shaq is decidedly punk rock. About 96% punk rock. Giving yourself nicknames is not punk rock, and yet Shaq somehow pulls it off. He's just that unmistakably punk rock).

The NBA culture is funny these days. In the minds of much of society, the stars of the NBA are a personification for the frightening ne'er-do-well underground culture of hip-hop America. Yet most major NBA stars are either prudent Madison Avenue brokers (Lebron James, Kevin Garnett), eccentric goof-balls (Gilbert Arenas, Dwight Howard... some call this class of players punk rock, but it's in that sporadic sense, like when people call Sonic Youth a punk band), really tall dorks (Tim Duncan, Dirk Nowitzki), posers (Carmelo Anthony, Vince Carter) or negligibly batshit insane sociopaths (Ron Artest, Zach Randolph).

These are not the kids you thought were cool in high school.

Imagine if a Martian came down to Earth and asked you to summarize Kobe Bryant in two sentences or less. Could you do it without using the terms "calculated" and/or "insecure"? I'd be willing to bet Gilbert Arenas ten bucks you can't.

It's been like this in the NBA ever since the early 80's when Magic and Bird "revived" the fledging league. Basketball was without a doubt punk rock in the 70's, dominated by eccentric badasses like Julius Erving, Willis Reed, Earl "The Pearl" Monroe, Bill Walton and Artis Gilmore. But off-court discretions and on-court masturbational (sic?) play detached much of America. Nowadays, if pro football is rock-and-roll (you can say you don't love it, but saying you hate it means you hate America) and pro baseball is pop music (beloved by all, to different extents, whether you want to admit it or not), then pro basketball is jazz music, the semi-marginal sport everyone can respect but a select few obsess over.

But the athletes themselves inherit a certain level of disdain, no matter how immaculate and non-punk rock their actual persona may be. Lebron James' recent "shoe controversy" just alludes to his spiritual inheritance of the Michael Jordan propensity to sacrifice individuality for corporate image. This isn't necessarily a bad thing or even really a judgment on Lebron's character as a person. But it does mean he's not punk rock.

There are very few NBA stars in the last quarter century who are or were truly punk rock, most notable among them: Charles Barkley, Allen Iverson, Shaquille O'Neal, Charles Oakley, Xavier McDaniel and Dennis Rodman. They did things the way they felt like doing things and that's an admirable quality in an otherwise contrived society.

Which brings us back to Dwyane Wade.

Dwyane Wade does several commercials. But Dwyane Wade does those commercials with a sense of caustic detachment, as if to tell the consumer "Yep, I'm schilling myself for this product, but I actually use it, and I couldn't care less if you do now too just because I suggested you should."

Dwyane Wade also comes off as something of a dork. In a genuine way.

If Wade leads the Heat to the title again this year with his injured shoulder (and by all means, he probably should have had surgery performed on it by now); and if Wade performs this task with the same disengagement he affords to his commercial acting; then Dwyane Wade could possibly be punk rock.

The jury's out, as they say.

Handicapping the NCAA Title Game

It's been a strange tournament to handicap so far, with favorites winning and covering at an incredible clip.

The public went 50/50 on Saturday with Florida covering, but Georgetown coming up short. With the large amount of money pouring into Vegas on Florida -4.5, it seems like very few people are giving Ohio State much of a chance to win this thing. Most of the major national media outlets and talking heads are picking the Gators to win.


Which does seem suspiciously like the direct inverse of the BCS Championship game in January.


I made a lot of money on Florida on that fateful day, but I'm not nearly as confident with Ohio State in this contest. That being said, I'll be taking a small chance on the Ohio State +200 money line. Win or lose, it was a rough college basketball season, capped by a rough March Madness and it's time to start concentrating again on NBA betting.

There's not much to lose in making this bet. If Ohio State doesn't win, they weren't supposed to win anyway, and I just lose a little bit of money. If Ohio State does win, I don't win much, but at least I get to run around saying "I told you so."


Also, as evidenced by the above picture, Joakim Noah looks like a 7-foot tranny. Precisely the kind of person I feel it's my duty as an American to bet against. This is our country.

Broken Tackle's Weekend Wrap-up

Is Ohio State vs. Florida the new Rosie O'Donnell vs. Donald Trump? No matter who's right, nobody wins...

1) Don't get me wrong, I love this newfound cavalier attitude of staying in school. Thanks to the new NBA age-limit and the Florida players sticking it out another year and possibly winning back-to-back titles, it seems like everyone is caught up in collegiate spirit these days. But let's not fool ourselves. Kevin Durant is not staying at Texas. Greg Oden is not registering for History of Rock & Roll II: (The Sammy Hagar Era). Despite disappointing tournament finishes, don't expect to see Arron Afflalo, Jeff Green, Roy Hibbert, Brandan Wright, Julian Wright and Thaddeus Young in collegiate uniforms next year.

Every year we like to get ourselves caught up in a frenzy of college players potentially spurring the bright lights of the NBA lifestyle for another year of amateur ball. This is because we're all a bunch of self-involved, self-righteous idiots. How many columnists have already written their own opinion on why Kevin Durant or Greg Oden should stay in school, pretending like they know what's best for these kids to do? Nobody cares about the futures of these players, and there's nothing wrong with that, because they're going to be fine anyway, barring some unforeseen career ending injury. (That's one argument people like to always make for why kids should leave school for the NBA earlier, but honestly, how many of these guys are sure things in the NBA but have their career stopped before it can start by a major injury? Jay Williams is the only one that comes to mind in my entire generation. Maybe arguably Bobby Hurley, but he never would've been an All-Star caliber player anyway).

All we care about is seeing competitive college basketball. We also care about acting like we know what's best for a bunch of kids. We don't.


2) Michael Phelps is busy re-writing the record books in Australia right now, and a lot of people are probably going to argue that we as a society should care more than we do. I actually agree to some extent on this one. First of all, I'm not sure why ESPN wouldn't have at least some tape-delayed coverage of the World Swimming Championships? It's a fringe sport at best, but the Olympic coverage of it is always intriguing, and it sure beats watching two more hours of World Poker Tour repeats or, god help us, figure skating.

It's interesting that the three greatest athletes in the world right now play in three somewhat marginal, individual sports: Tiger Woods, Roger Federer, Michael Phelps. Woods and Federer get four chances a year to thrust their name into the conscious lexicon of American sports culture. Phelps will probably get one more chance in his lifetime: the 2008 Olympics, where he's expected to compete for an unprecedented eight gold medals.

You'd be hard pressed to find another athlete right now who's up there with Phelps, Tiger and Federer. They're the Gretzky, Montana and Jordan of this generation, the guys who are redefining their sport. Lebron and Wade? Maybe someday, but definitely not yet. Brady and Manning? You could argue for them, but they're still awhiles away. Barry Bonds? Eh, doesn't really count if everybody hates your guts.


3) Quick review of Blades of Glory: some really funny scenes as you'd expect with Will Ferrell, but doesn't have the nuances of his previous films. Figure skating and the Winter Olympics in general are extremely ripe for parody and they nail a lot of the jokes (the ridiculous apparel on and off the ice, the goofy mascots and pageantry, the over-anxious announcing). Jon Heder has his moments, but his character gets grating by the midway point of the film; and he doesn't play off of Ferrell nearly as well as previous co-stars like Vince Vaughn/Luke Wilson in Old School, Christina Applegate in Anchorman and John C. Reilly in Talladega Nights. Will Arnett and Amy Poehler could've been the best part of the movie as the rival figure skaters, but don't get as much screen time or funny send-ups as they deserve. As for Jenna Fischer: I think I'm in love.

Atlanta Falcons Draft Day Trade Prediction

Bobby Petrino understands that his success in the NFL will determined by his ability to improve the play of Michael Vick. In order to do everything in their power to make Vick a player worthy of the highest salary in the league (which he's currently getting) they need to surround him with pass catchers who can get open, catch the ball consistently, and make plays downfield. They started off this offseason by bringing in a veteran receiver to show the young guys how to get it done in the NFL (and how to use inanimate objects in a touchdown celebration) by signing Joe Horn in free agency. Then the trade with the Texans moved them even closer to making my predicted draft day trade. By moving Matt Schaub to the Texans, the Falcons not only showed Vick that they have confidence in him and are going to stick with him through thick and thin, but they also received the draft picks they need to move up in the draft and really make a splash.

Calvin Johnson is arguably the best prospect in the entire draft. He's a definite top 5 pick and a guy that can impact a team's offense from the moment he gets in to town. Johnson is a 6'5", 139 lbs wide receiver who grew up in Georgia. He's a two time All-American who won the Biletnikoff Award as the nation's best receiver this past year. In 38 games at GT, Johnson posted 2,927 yards and 28 TDs on 178 receptions. He did all this while catching passes from a quarterback who is a better runner than he is a passer (sound like Vick?). At the combine he ran the 40 in 4.35 seconds wearing someone else's shoes. Not only can he make plays in the passing game, but he's also a very good blocker in the run game considering his position. His former coaches have raved about his perfect off-field behavior and incredible work ethic. If there is such a thing as a can't miss prospect in the crap shoot that is the NFL draft, this guy is it.

In order for Atlanta to draft this home-grown talent, they're definitely going to have to move up. While there is a chance that Al Davis could make him the #1 overall selection, it looks like JaMarcus Russell is going to go at the top spot. Therefore, the Falcons can target the Lions for the #2 pick and ensure they get Johnson. The Lions have been a terrible team during Matt Millen's tenure. There's really no debating that. He needs to make a move in this draft in order to get more picks to upgrade the overall roster and not just one position. After getting Greg Foster and Tatum Bell from Denver for Dre Bly, it isn't necessary for them to take Joe Thomas or Adrian Peterson at the #2 spot. A quarterback would be a nice addition to the team, but Millen needs to win now, so if he picks for the future he probably won't be around to reap any of the rewards. Also, the Lions run Mike Martz's complicated offense which won't be easy for a rookie to pick up right away. Jon Kitna put up decent numbers last year and I think they'll stick it out with him in '07.

Here's what the Falcons need to give up in order to complete this trade:
Their 1st round pick, number 8 overall which they received from the Texans which is worth 1,400 points according to the Trade Value Chart.
Their 7th pick in the 2nd round, which is worth 510 points.
The 2008 2nd rounder which they received from the Texans (I'm guessing that Houston will get the 10th pick next year for sake of making this easier to explain) which equals 480 points.
This year's 11th pick in the 3rd round which equals 215 points.
The 12th pick in the 5th round which is 36 points.
This gives a total value of 2,641 points.

In return the Lions have to give up the following:
The #2 overall selection which equals 2,600 points.
Their 17th pick in the 5th round which equals 33.5 points.
This is a total of 2,633.5 points.

This should be a close enough value to make the trade work for both teams. Then the Falcons can make their pick of Calvin Johnson and the Lions will gain 3 extra first-day picks this year and one next year. Then they'll still be able to help out their team this year with the #8 pick by turning it into a player like LT Levi Brown, S Laron Landry, DE Jammal Anderson, CB Leon Hall (to replace Dre Bly), or WR Dwayne Jarrett (just because Jarrett plays WR and this is Matt Millen we're talking about).

Now that I spent all this time explaining why it will happen, let me now explain why it won't: It makes too much sense.


To see the Trade Value Chart I used, check out: http://www.nfldraftcountdown.com/features/valuechart.html

9 Reasons to Be Excited for Baseball Opening Day

Because eight reasons would be too sparse, and ten would be too excessive and well-rounded...

1) Carl Pavano is the Yankees' opening day starter. That's right folks, a $200 million payroll and their opening day starter has a career record of 61-64 with an ERA of 4.27 and hasn't pitched since June of 2005. Everybody point and laugh while you have the chance.

2) The arms of the Detroit Tigers pitchers might just collectively fall off. We've seen this trend the past few years without fail. Curt Schilling and Keith Foulke have never been the same since the '04 playoffs. The White Sox pitching staff as a whole last year looked about as energetic as John Kruk after a twelve-pack and three extra value menus. Kenny Rogers has already been shut down for half the year. Look for Tigers' young arms to struggle as well. Also keep an eye on the Cardinals' former "ace" Jeff Weaver being an utter failure in Seattle.

3) If you have Direct TV you can watch every game. If you don't, then Bud Selig says to go fuck yourself. (And go fuck your grandma while you're at it).

4) Chicago Cubs and Philadelphia Phillies fans have reason to hope their teams will reach the playoffs this year. And there's nothing funnier than watching Cubs and Philly fans being put on suicide watch by mid-June when their team inevitably fails.

5) Johan Santana is the balls. He's pitching better than anyone since Pedro circa '99. And his window of legendary opportunity is closing shut.

6) The trading deadline will fill us all with false hope for a blockbuster. And then shatter our anticipation once again, when we remember there's nothing in the sports world more overhyped in the internet age than the trading deadline (except arguably, drafts). Just so you know: Andruw Jones, Ichiro, Alex Rodriguez and Carlos Zambrano will be amongst the names ballied about as trade bait this year.

7) The AL Central and NL Central are wide open. The AL Central because so many teams have so much talent (Santana, Morneau, Mauer, Sabathia, Hafner, Sizemore, Zumaya, Sheffield, Konerko, Dye) and NL Central because so many teams completely lack talent.

8) MLB and Bud Selig have to face the Barry Bonds issue. No matter what your opinion of Barry Bonds (hatred level, utter hatred level, homicidal hatred level, member-of-the-media level), he's going to break Hank Aaron's record this year, and it's going to be hilarious. It's going to be hilarious because Bud Selig and the other MLB brass will have to acknowledge it while at the same time trying to keep their distance from it.

9) Because. No Olympics this summer. No World Cup either. What the fuck else are you going to do in between the NBA Finals and the NFL preseason?

Handicapping the Final 4

Pretend for a moment that the degenerate act of sports gambling hasn't been curtailed in a mafioso attempt by the United States government to make sure everyone's paying their taxes on gambling victories and participating in the forms of gambling they can track and/or fix (whoops, did I say fix? I meant, um... influence?).

(Come to think of it, gambling is wrong and immoral and I'm glad this Christian society doesn't stand for it in any form).

But, you know, pretend for a moment this isn't the case.

Sports bettors would be freaking out right now, as they always do on Final 4 eve.

For you see, my degenerate friends, as a victim of circumstance, the Final 4 is year-in-and-year-out one of the most gambled-upon events of the sporting calendar. This is because outside of maybe the NBA Finals, it's the final gambling "event" of what we can refer to as the sports "season" until college football kicks off again in late August. Lots of people are going to try and make some summer vacation money this Saturday and Monday before taking a four-month hiatus from sports wagering (assuming of course, that sports wagering, especially wagering on college sports, was still legal).

So if I know this, and if you (possibly now by extension) know this then, of course, Vegas knows this and wants to take advantage of it.

The public money has been flowing in on the two favorites, Georgetown and Florida (no surprise) and the two Overs (even less surprise).

All four teams have been broken down and analyzed in every way imaginable. If you want to look at a statistical matrix that exists, this will be the 7th and 8th meetings in the Final 4 semifinals of a 1-seed vs. a 2-seed. In five of the previous six meetings, the team that gets a higher percentage of their points from their front-court has won. This gives the slight edge to Georgetown (63.7%) over Ohio State (61.3%) and a significant edge to Florida (60.8%) over UCLA (53.4%).

The only team with a front-court disadvantage that pulled off the victory was Duke in '91, when they upset UNLV. Pat Forde has made an astute argument comparing this year's UCLA team to that Duke team who had been embarrassed by UNLV in the '90 title game.

Then again, Pat Forde is a smug little leprechaun.

But then again, UCLA is an inspired pick, and appears to be a sharp pick. Florida seems to present the same match-up problems that Kansas presented, and the Bruins weathered the Jayhawks just fine.

My picks for Saturday:

Georgetown -1 (high confidence)
UCLA +3 (medium confidence)
Florida/UCLA Under 130.5 (medium confidence)
Georgetown/Ohio State Under 129.5 (low confidence)

Why I Love Sports

Or at least my best attempt to write down in words why I love sports. Describing a feeling, especially one as strong as love or hate is something very difficult to describe, especially for an amateur like myself. Describing why you feel this strongly is probably even more difficult to describe. Who really knows why I feel a certain way about something that others couldn't possibly care less about. Especially something as trivial as a game, a game that really won't affect my life in a positive or negative way no matter what the outcome is.

The thing that truly captures my interest is the ability to watch another person performing at a level that no other human being will ever be able to experience. Despite the fact that every professional athlete is actually very good at their profession, my interest lies in the truly great ones. Michael Jordan, Jim Brown, Wilt Chamberlain, Wayne Gretzky, Tiger Woods, Roger Federer, Babe Ruth, etc.

These very few athletes are the reason I watch games. They're the reason I watch college sports and wait to see the next person do something at a level that I've never seen before. Michael Jordan could do anything he wanted on the basketball court and no one on the opposing team could do anything to stop him. Babe Ruth could drink a keg of beer, eat a dozen hot dogs and then go out and call his shot over the right field wall. Roger Federer can return a tennis ball traveling 100 mph from in-between his legs. There are other incredible athletes, but they'll never be as truly dominant as the true greats.

These types of people aren't only athletes. I'm sure there are surgeons who can operate better than anyone else who's ever picked up a scalpel. I'm sure there are salesmen who can perform at a level that no other salesmen will ever see. That's because the greats get to set the new standard. The greats elevate their field higher than it's ever been before and that's what makes them great. When I was learning to sell at my first job I was told to watch what good salespeople do and mimick them. The greats excel a different way. They have no one to mimick because no one can perform as highly as they can and they know that.

It's one thing to try to act great, but it's another thing to truly know that you will succeed where others have failed and are able to do things that no one else has ever accomplished before. My desire to feel that way for one moment is why I love sports as much as I do.

Imagine looking at a golf course the way Tiger Woods does and to simply know that you're going to sink a putt. I strive to reach that level of confidence. I have a ton of faith in myself and my abilities, but that feeling of invicibility must be incredible. Watching a select few go through this is what draws my attention. Seeing someone else achieve greatness is what pushes me to be better at what I do. Maybe I'll never be able to experience that feeling, but striving to is what keeps me going.

The Clevelander (No, not the sandwich)

Lots of things to be excited about as a Cleveland sports fan. The Cavaliers currently hold the #2 seed in the East playoffs, the Indians' season is about to start, the Buckeyes made the Final Four, and the Browns are still in town.

As long as Lebron James is wearing #23 for the Cavs, simply clinching a playoff spot should be expected. Unless Kevin McHale takes over as GM, Cleveland fans should enjoy the excitement of the NBA playoffs for years to come. Ever since Larry Hughes took over at the point guard position and Sasha Pavlovic decided to play defense and earn more playing time, this team has been playing like a true contender. However, this team still has room for improvement. They still need to show more consistency. They seem to fall into a rut during games where everyone stands around and waits for someone to shoot a jump shot. This isn't going to get it done against the Pistons, Bulls, or Heat. If the playoffs started today the Cavs would host the Orlando Magic in the first round of the playoffs. Despite having Dwight Howard this team has free fallen over the last few months. If the Cavs allow the Bulls to catch them, they'll drop from the #2 seed all the way to #5. At number 5, they'd lose their home court advantage and (as of today) face the Toronto Raptors. The Cavs would still be favored to win, but Toronto is a better team than Orlando and I'd rather see the games being played at the 'Q' instead of in Canada. With only a game and a half separating the Cavs and Bulls, the end of the season will be exciting. Lebron has already begun picking up his game, hopefully his teammates are able to improve theirs as well.

Next door to the Q the Indians' season is about to get started and the team has some promise this year. The bullpen was a big problem for the team last year and was improved this offseason by picking up Joe Borowski from the Cubs and journeyman Roberto Hernandez. We also get to see Andy Marte and Josh Barfield move into starting roles in the infield for the team and there are high expectations for both. Once Cliff Lee comes back from his injury the starting lineup will be strong with Cliff, C.C. Sabathia, and Jake Westbrook at the top of the rotation. Enjoy C.C. while you still can, his contract with the Tribe is up after 2008 and it'll be very expensive to sign him. He's a young, huge, lefty with a power arm. Those guys usually price themselves out of the Indian's budget when they hit the open market. This is a team that has the talent to battle for a playoff spot in a suddenly very good Central Division. These obviously aren't the same Sox, Twins, and Tigers from the days when the Indians dominated the division year after year.

Another local team with postseason success is the Buckeyes. They'll be facing Georgetown in the Final Four after surviving several excruciatingly close games. Greg Oden will be the centerpiece of a team that has really matured throughout the tournament. He'll be facing Roy Hibbert in one of the best matchups of March so far. Mike Conley, Jr. has been extremely impressive. He was almost an after-thought before the season when he came to Ohio with Oden. Point guard play is extremely important, especially in the tournament. Conley was extremely clutch in the overtime win over Xavier and has only grown from there. He can penetrate, distribute, and shoot the ball like an upper classman. After Oden, Mike Conley will play a huge part if the team is able to beat the Hoyas. I'd personally love to see a rematch with Florida after the embarrassment they laid on OSU at the National Championship game. A win for the NCAA title would be sweet revenge.

That was the good news. Now for the Cleveland Browns. If one of the other Cleveland teams were losing this consistently they'd be almost forgotten. However, this is the Browns. Cleveland lives and dies by this team and right now fans are showing that you can die more than once. First lets go over the holes this team has. Despite bringing Eric Steinbach and Seth McKinney aboard, the offensive line still could use an upgrade. Kellen Winslow just had microfracture surgery which is a very risky operation. The running backs are a past-his-prime Jamal Lewis and a handful of nobodies. Neither Charlie Frye nor Derek Anderson are starting caliber quarterbacks. The defensive line added Shaun Smith and Robaire Smith, but the defensive line is still very weak. The secondary lost Brian Russell and Gary Baxter can't seem to stay healthy. The linebacker core may be the best group on the team with Andra Davis, D'Qwell Jackson, Leon Williams, Kamerion Wimbley, Willie McGinest, and Antwan Peek. This is a huge draft for the Browns. Hopefully they won't be picking in the top 3 again for a long time. There are rumors that they could trade up for Jamarcus Russell or Brady Quinn, or stand pat for Adrian Peterson or Joe Thomas. Whatever they decide to do they'd better make a good decision. This town can't handle anymore miserable high picks like they did in the past. This offseason could either be the turning point or the starting over (again) point for this team.

With all of the excitement over the local teams right now, I almost forgot to mention the biggest event to hit Cleveland in years. The women's NCAA Final Four is in town!! Let's kick out the Cavs for a five game road trip while they're in the middle of a playoff chase so some miserable basketball can be played at Quicken Loans Arena. Does anyone other than the players' families watch these games in person? While accidentally putting one of these games on my t.v. while waiting for Sports Center to come on, I couldn't help but notice that the arenas are basically empty except for a few rows of seats at mid-court on either side. The sides of the arenas behind the hoops are totally empty. Why play these games in an NBA arena when a small high school gym would be perfectly suitable? If Dallas Lauderdale, 3 of my friends, and I can beat the national champion, why would I spend the time to watch?

Washington D.C. Sports Report

Things haven't started off too smoothly for the new ownership group of the Washington Nationals. Ticket sales are slowed down in general, including season ticket sales, and many season ticket holders are complaining about slow deliveries of their ticket packages (some are even concerned they won't get their tickets before opening day). Team President Stan Kasten has said he's determined to have the final season opener at RFK be a sell-out, but it looks like it won't even be close.

It's no secret that RFK sucks and this Nats team sucks even worse. Could anyone outside the D.C. area name five guys on this team? Could anyone in the D.C. area name five guys on this team? It's not an easy sell for these guys, trying to pass off a team rebuilding on a city that has no choice but to feel like a bandwagon fan (these things happen when a team is dumped on you after 35 years without baseball in your city). 2007 has the obvious feel of a placeholder year for the Nats before moving into their new stadium in 2008 and maybe then building a respectable team.

Last night, Sidney Crosby and the Penguins symbolically skated into town and put a fitting epitaph on the '06/'07 season for the Washington Capitals, with a 4-2 win. In the 8th battle between the potential Bird-and-Magic of the NHL, Crosby came up with a memorable behind-the-net goal in the 2nd period, and added an assist to increase his NHL scoring lead. Alex Ovechkin, meanwhile, came up with an early assist but was otherwise held in check, further frustrated by the lackadaisical efforts of his teammates.

There's no question the Penguins are doing a much better job building around Crosby than the Capitals are doing building around Ovechkin. With the win, the Pens clinched their first playoff berth since 2001. Washington, meanwhile, is mired with the second worst record in the Eastern Conference and will miss the playoffs for the third straight season. Similar to Lebron in Cleveland or Johan Santana in Minnesota, fans have to wonder how long Ovechkin will be willing to put up with subpar teammates, subpar coaching and subpar ownership/general management.

By the way, in eight meetings since they both joined the league, Crosby's Penguins have beaten Ovechkin's Capitals seven times. Not quite Magic-and-Bird yet.

After losing four out of the five games on their West Coast swing, the Washington Wizards have now fallen behind the surging Miami Heat in the Southeast standings, and have tumbled from the East's 3-seed to the East's 6-seed. They hope to get things back on track tonight with a home game against the Philadelphia 76ers, as the oft-injured Caron Butler is expected to return from a left knee contusion.

Gilbert Arenas played pretty well on the road trip, all things considered, but his blog on nba.com has been suspiciously quiet ever since his "talking to" from the league for making a $10 bet with a Portland fan during the game. Could it be that an athlete's online blog is being compromised by the very company that employs him and hosts his blog on their website? Who would've thunk it.

Unfortunately for the Wizards, they're only the second most beloved basketball team in town right now, as the Georgetown Hoyas prepare for Saturday's Final 4 match-up with Ohio State. The team, coached by John Thompson's son and featuring Patrick Ewing's son off the bench, has tapped back into the college hoops soul of the nation's capitol, similar to Maryland's Final 4 runs in 2001 and 2002.

One statistic Georgetown has going for them: no Big East team has ever lost a national semifinals game against a non-Big East team. Georgetown is the 13th Big East team to reach the Final 4, and 9 of those 13 teams won their semifinal game against teams from another conference. The only time a Big East team has lost in this round of the tournament is when facing another Big East team (Georgetown beat St. John's in '85 and Syracuse beat Providence in '87).

And finally, the Washington Redskins are looking to add yet another overpaid linebacker to the team, as they continue trade talks with the Chicago Bears for the disgruntled Lance Briggs. If the trade goes through, the Redskins will give up their #6 overall draft pick in exchange for the Bears' #31 overall pick. Keep in mind they've already traded away their 2nd, 3rd and 4th round picks. It's as if Dan Snyder and Joe Gibbs know they only have a couple years left to live and couldn't care less about the franchise's future. There's probably a good joke in there somewhere, but the reality is enough of a joke.

Broken Tackle's Weekend Wrap-up

Georgetown is in the Final 4, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is #1 at the box-office and a Korn MTV Unplugged album is climbing the Billboard charts. What kind of cultural fucking time warp are we stuck in right now?

With that in mind...

1) Billy Donovan is an idiot if he accepts the Kentucky job. This would not be upward mobility, this would be lateral. Yes, his entire starting 5 will be wearing NBA jerseys next year and yes, Gainesville, Florida is a hick town. But why would leave one high-profile job (where they treat you like a god) to start over at an equal but much more stressful and much more scrutinized high-profile job (where they'll treat you like an asshole)?

Why do head coaches do things like this? Is there something inherent in the personality of a head coach that he's always looking ahead to the next job, even if it isn't a better one? They act like the sleazy guy who takes his girlfriend to the bar and checks out every whore in the place, no matter where they stand on the [fugly --> delicious] scale. It doesn't matter if it's better or worse, it just matters if it's different.


2) The story about comedian/actor/race car connoisseur Eddie Griffin is a classic. First of all, the story is accompanied by a photo of Griffin just standing next to the wrecked vehicle with a goofy look on his face, as if this is just a normal happening. No remorse, no shame, just "Oh hey, destroyed a rare Ferrari worth $1.5 million today. Need a snapshot? No problem. Can you get a good look at the wreckage from this angle?"

But even better is the quote from the car's owner, Daniel Sadek.

"I'm glad Eddie came out of the crash OK, but my dream car got destroyed," Sadek said. "I went to my trailer for about 15 minutes and I thought, there's people dying every day. A lot of worse things are happening in the world."

Yeah, dude, I went through the same thing when someone stole my video iPod from the gym a few weeks ago. Somewhere in China, a starving child appreciates your empathy.

Waaaaahhhhh, the black guy from Deuce Bigalow destroyed my Ferrari. Waaaaaaaaahhh!


3) Rasheed Wallace. Not only makes one of the greatest shots I've ever seen in a basketball game. But afterwards, acts like he does it all the time. Jumanji!

Zach Randolph: Livin' the Dream

Zach Randolph is going to grieve the way Zach Randolph wants to grieve.

How do you mourn the lost of a loved one? You don't sit shivah at a strip club? Well that's your thing. That's not Zach Randolph's thing.

Maybe you always pay your tab after leaving the titty bar. But not Zach Randolph. Zach Randolph knows that the club owner will just hold the tab over for the next time he visits. Zach Randolph doesn't need to be bothered with paying his tabs when he's in mourning.

Zach Randolph also throws some great sex show parties.

If you're a mouthy bitch who doesn't enjoy Zach Randolph's sex party, then you never should have shown up to Zach Randolph's sex party in the first place.

When Zach Randolph is putting it in your ass, then you better just relax and take it in your ass.

Nate McMillan understands Zach Randolph's needs.

"He felt he needed to go," said McMillan. "It's a death in the family ... you get a feel for what you need to do."

What you need to do. Fuckin' A, Nate. Fuckin' A.

Zach Randolph. Livin' the dream.

Ouch... my bracket (The mid-major quandary)

The Final 4 is set and it's the first Final 4 since 1993 that doesn't include a 3-seed or lower. This is quite a sharp contrast to last season, where for the first time in the modern 64-team era, not a single 1-seed reached the Final 4; and 11-seed Cinderella George Mason was everybody's sentimental favorite.

A lot of people will argue over the next few days whether this is a good thing or a bad thing, whether this means college basketball is progressing forward or progressing backwards. How about progressing sideways?

People like to think of the advent of the "mid-major" powerhouse as a modern construct. But what's really happened is our perception of what makes a mid-major has changed.

You may have heard the stat that only six mid-majors received at-large bids this year, the lowest amount in a long time. And this is true, but don't forget that the Atlantic-10, Mountain West, WAC and Conference USA conferences are included in these statistics (Conference USA was created in 1995 when two previous mid-majors, the Metro and Great Midwest conferences merged).

Look at some of the mid-majors through the years who have reached the Final 4 long before George Mason: Utah in '98, Massachusetts in '96, Cincinnati in '92, UNLV in '87, '90 and '91 and Memphis in '85. Everyone knows Larry Bird took little Indiana State to the title game against Magic Johnson and Michigan State in '79. But did you realize who else made the Final 4 that year? The Pennsylvania Quakers, probably the final Ivy League team who will ever reach the Final 4.

If you want to go back further, the 60's and 70's were littered with mid-major Final 4 teams: Drake, Jacksonville, UNC Charlotte, New Mexico State, Wichita State and Dayton, to name a few.

The eight-year drought for mid-majors between Utah reaching the Final 4 in '98 and George Mason reaching the Final 4 in '06 was the longest such drought for mid-majors in tournament history.

So what happened to the mid-major?

Well, for starters, TV happened, and it made the tournament a big-time event. The NCAA tournament has become one of the most telegenic sporting events year after year, and this means big money. But this big money isn't going to everyone, as you might suspect. This multi-billion dollar TV contract is divided amongst the schools in a manner that systemically creates a level of institutional monetary discrimination against the smaller schools. For starters, half the revenue goes to conferences based on their performance in previous tournaments. So conferences that perform well year after year, like the ACC or Pac-10 get fatter, while the smaller conferences are stuck in a cycle of lower funding.

The irony of this is that the NCAA tournament on TV exploded thanks to Larry Bird and Indiana State. To this day, the 1979 championship game between Indiana State and Michigan State remains the highest rated college basketball game in TV history. It's no coincidence that the 1980 tournament was the first to feature TV broadcasts of the first two rounds of the tournament.

But can we still perceive Indiana State as a mid-major? A Cinderella? The Celtics were allowed to draft Larry Bird 6th overall in the 1978 draft thanks to a rule back then that teams could draft players before their college eligibility was up (imagine if that rule still existed). Can the public really get behind a team as a Cinderella which featured arguably one of the five greatest players in basketball history (albeit arguably the greatest white player in basketball history)?

There's no question we love our underdogs in this country. Rooting for the underdog is a chance to regrasp our historical remnants of beating the odds. We were George Mason in the Revolutionary War and Indiana State in the War of 1812, but only 200 years later we were Duke in Vietnam and Kentucky in Iraq. Everyone knows Americans have it better than the rest of the world in almost every aspect of life, so we affiliate with our underdogs where we can find them, and sports is the underdog's ultimate milieu. We love our Rockys and we love our Miracles on Ice. We love our Glory Roads and we love our Hoosiers (the fact that Glory Road was an underdog story of all-black players taking on the all-white heavy favorites and 20 years later Hoosiers was a completely racially transmuted exposition is probably a section of our mid-major conscience that deserves its own separate writing).

So look back at those mid-majors who reached the Final 4 between Indiana State and George Mason. Though they all technically count, in the eyes of the American sports fan, they were not true underdogs. UNLV had NBA talent in Larry Johnson and Stacey Augmon, not to mention a shady coach and shady dealings with Las Vegas ne'er-do-wells. Cincinnati in '92 had a galling superstar (Nick Van Exel) and an even more galling head coach (Bob Huggins). UMass in '96 was ranked #1 for much of the season and was led by a future NBA star in Marcus Camby. Utah in '98 might have been the closest we've had in this bunch to a Cinderella (and it's probably not a coincidence they were the "whitest" team out of all of them). Most of these teams in retrospect feel less like underdogs and more like big fishes in little ponds, technical mid-majors that were really just waiting for a BCS conference to come along and snatch them away (it actually happened with Cincinnati joining the Big East in 2005).

Turns out we love underdogs, but only up to a point. The NCAA tournament exists as an unique construct, truly the only major sporting event where the so-called little guys get to take their best direct shot at the big boys. But once one of those little guys breaks through and makes it happen, we only want more, and we want it on a bigger and grander scale.

After Indiana State glued everyone to their television sets, the real modern era of the NCAA tournament began. So we sat, and we waited for another mid-major to break through to the Final 4. We saw 14 seeds inexplicably reach the Sweet 16 (Cleveland State in '86 and Chattanooga in '97) and we clamored for more, we clamored for great things. We watched 15 seeds pull off stunning first round upsets and we asked for even bigger and better things.

In the late 90's, thanks to high school players taking an increasing interest in skipping college ball to jump straight to the pros, mid-majors busted back through the gates by reaching the Elite 8. First it was Gonzaga in '99, then Tulsa in '00 and Kent State in '02. Once could say these teams paved the way for George Mason finally breaking through in '06.

And then what were we left with? The final frontiers for mid-major basketball in the tournament were a mid-major in the Final 4 and a 16-seed upsetting a 1-seed. We've now seen one and not quite yet the other. So how are we supposed to be interested in the Winthrops or VCUs of the world reaching only the 2nd round?

Mid-major success in the NCAA tournament is not a modern construct. Similar to teen pregnancy or drug use, it's something that's always been there, and if anything it's on the decline, only now our concept of it has changed. Our perception is different. Some people will always call things an "epidemic" for better or worse. But an epidemic is only created in how you perceive it.

We love our underdogs. We need our underdogs. Next year, we'll probably have another underdog make a run, because college basketball, like anything else in life, is cyclical. And we'll all act surprised because we want to act surprised.

The culture of sports fans is a nation of suckers, in the true P.T. Barnum sense of the word, and when our underdogs no longer satisfy us we will create new ones. And if the new ones come up short we'll construct different ones in our own inspired image.

There is no progressing forward or backwards in this formula. Only different variations of sideways.